Christmas has always been about family, and when I was growing up I loved gathering around the dinner table or the Christmas tree. And then my family grew up, and the family changed.
My younger brother got married.
My younger sister got married and had a kid.
I stayed single.
Now Christmas is about juggling schedules and divided attentions. They have to spend time with their in-law families, and I have to sit around and wait for them.
Now Christmas is about bringing nuclear families together, but I’m the only one left without a nuclear family. I’m a rogue and incomplete nucleus.
Picture this: We gather around the Christmas tree to exchange gifts. My sister sits next to her husband. My brother sits next to his wife. My mother sits next to my father. My grandfather sits next to his girlfriend. I squeeze in between couples.
“We thought you might like that!” is said over and over again. “We…we…we…” “Look, honey!” my brother says as he shows his wife what he got from my parents. My grandfather leans over and hands his girlfriend his gift as they have a tiny private moment. My sister tells her husband to help their 2 year old with the packaging on one of the presents. I present gifts on my own, and I show no one what I got. Everyone else is too busy with their own nuclear families to worry about what I got. And I had no one else to help me present the gifts or choose them. I had to pick them alone and I present them alone.
At dinner, I’m the rogue piece to the puzzle – fitting in wherever is most convenient for the couples. Dinner is delicious, but then begins the breakdown as each nuclear family leaves to reconnect with other nuclear families. When everyone’s gone, it is just me and my parents. A nuclear family with one odd duck who hasn’t found a home.
The very next night is another gathering of nuclear families. I again am the odd duck out. While my family has spared me the conversation of babies and marriages, this time I’m not so lucky. A newly engaged couple is there – both are a mere 21 years old. One unofficial nuclear family shows up – an 18 year old girl with her longstanding boyfriend. They had to go to his parents’ house before they could come to this party. Everyone discusses who’s having babies and who’s getting married and who’s not getting married. I have no comment on the matter – I’m not experienced enough to know what is best for the young people of this rural area. Or rather, I am sure my opinion that 21 is a bit young for marriage wouldn’t sit well with all of the nuclear families staring back at me.
So I hate Christmas because it is the one time of the year where the urge to be in a partnership with someone else is the strongest. I, too, want to be nuclear, but mostly because if I’m not, I’ve got nowhere else to belong except on the outskirts of other nuclear families. And no one wants to live on the outskirts.
